My thoughts on women and relationships, take it for what it's worth...

Those of you that know me also know about my last relationship, and those of you that don't will probably be able to piece it together after reading this post.

The one really good thing about a really bad relationship is that afterwards you know what you want, or at the least know for sure what you don't want, and therefore have a better idea of what you want in a spouse... Now please don't get me wrong, in no way, shape, or form am I advocating casual dating relationships to help you discover what you want. What I am saying is pursue a relationship with someone who encompasses everything that you want in a spouse, and if you are unfortunate enough to have that relationship end, then learn from it. I did. Alot of this is going to be really unpopular and get alot of people really mad at me, but I don't really care. If you don't like this then don't use it. Here is what I have learned.

I absolutely despise dating. I favor courting. Often I get the question "what's the difference?" My explanation sounds a little emotionally dead, but is a good analogy to point out the mindsets of the two. Dating is like going to the shoe store with absolutely no idea of your shoe size or what you are looking for in a shoe. So you blindly try on many pairs, wearing each one around the store until you realize that it is not what you want. Blindly moving on to the next pair, leaving the slightly used shoes on the floor with your foot funk left all over them. Courting is like going to the shoe store knowing your size, the style, and the color of the shoe you want. You take the shoe and very gently put it on, wear it around the store, and baring an act of God, you purchase the shoe. Yes, I just compared people to shoes, and marriage to a purchase, let the fallout begin...

Our world gives great value to the idea of "I want to finish college, accomplish things, and travel the world before I get married." Here I go, I'm about to stir the hornets nest... This is an incredibly STUPID mindset. A healthy God centered marriage is designed, not to inhibit you from accomplishing things, but so that both you and your spouse have someone to share your dreams with and to help accomplish goals with. Most of the women, scratch that, most of the people I know follow this flawed mindset. I'm not sure if it is from previous relationships in which the other person was super controlling or if they are just conned into it because society in general pushes it so hard. Either way, I find it sad.

Let me also say that If you are dumb enough to believe the whole "I need my independence" lie, then you and the members of the opposite sex are better off if you don't get into any romantic relationship until you get all of that out of your system.

Our society also is all about womens rights, and equality for the sexes. Which to most means a career for both parents while the kids get shoved off onto our default babysitter, the government (public school is what I'm talking about if you haven't figured it out yet)... I personally want to marry someone who wants to give up her traditional career when we have children. Not that I want a slave who will raise my children while I do whatever I want. I do however want a women who cares more about our children and their godly education than her career. I'm not trying to say that I am not for equality of the sexes, men and women were designed for equally important roles, but different ones.

This one may be more of my opinion and may apply differently to your relationships, but I know that when I'm in a relationship it makes me severely uncomfortable when the girl wants to hang out alone with other guys. I've heard some people argue that this is my issue of not trusting the girl involved, but what part of the women who says she wants to marry you, wanting to hang out with other guys without you or anybody else being around sounds unsuspicious? (I'm obviously not talking about something like an old friend coming into town and you are unavailable to meet the person with your other.) And all of this goes both ways, if the male wants to hang out one on one with other girls then that looks shady too... I don't really look at this as being controlling, I would never ask someone to make a sacrifice that I myself am not willing to do. In fact, in my next relationship I will do my best to avoid being completely alone with the girl involved until after we are married. I feel this way for two reasons: (1) because the Bible says to avoid the appearance of evil, and when people know that you have been alone with a member of the opposite sex their minds wonder. And (2) Because I understand that when you love someone and are alone with them, all logic goes straight out the window.

I find that many girls these days are severely damaged whether from previous relationships, their fathers, or both. Many are damaged to the point of being relationally non-functioning. It honestly breaks my heart for them. Up until last week that same thought would have had me sad for my own sake as well (as in there are no good ones left.) Since then my thoughts have changed. But that's in the next paragraph.

I used to put my future wife's looks and heart for the Lord on the same level of importance, that was a mistake, and not to mention terribly shallow of me. What I ended up with was a beautiful girlfriend who's looks blinded me to the state of her heart and the extent that she was damaged. I don't mean this to bash her, If anything my selfishness was to blame for causing her further damage, which pretty much makes me as much of a jerkwad as the guys that came before me... But back to the subject at hand. Up until the other day I hadn't realized that my shallowness was the cause of the pain I sustained from that relationship. Consequently I was, what I called, "disenchanted" with women in general. Which meant that I just kinda figured that's how all of them are, and that none of them were worth pursuing because of that. I was awakened from my flawed philosophy the other day while I was visiting my parents in Texas. I had dinner with an old friend who's relationship with the Lord I have always deeply respected. And true to what I remember about her, she is totally in love with God. Anyway, talking to her I realized that there are some awesome girls still out there, and that I now value a heart fully pursuing the Lord alot more than I value looks (not saying she's not cute, but that's not at all what this post is about.)

Right now I am not looking for a relationship, not because I want independence, but more so because I am still hurt from the last one and right now I am allowing the Lord to court my heart until he deems me well enough to bless me with the right one, which could be any day, who knows? Having said that I now have a better idea of what I desire in a wife.